Ode to the City of Rain

It’s to you that I’ve given of myself
It’s to you that my skin has ground the pavement
It’s to you that my heart grew black and was renewed
It’s to you that my head filled with clouds
It’s to you that the rain’s beat washed the clouds away
It’s to you that I’ve been held
It’s to you that I’ve grown
It’s to you that I’ve been reborn

You Beast

Her skin burst at it's pores to release the sweet smell of death.
As the dermis peeled back, a new, stronger creature appeared.
She frantically tried to glue the old skins onto her new form, fear of recreation pumped through her veins.
The Beast who stood over her snarled intimidation.
He lorded her pain over her physical self and eyes begged to shrink.
Then, the teeth.
She sank her ivories into his flesh and down he went.
She stood victorious.

Life Decay

I can feel the cracks of my soul quaking
I can hear the the synapse of my brain catching
I can smell the rot of things decayed
I will stay the course
I will be gold

Breaks of the Heart

Her tears freely flow
The hope of each drop to heal
Faces haunt
Lives ache
The pain of suffering turns red
Their eyes in her soul
Their limbs close to her beating heart
Longing loins stretch to the sky for relief

She Did This

I didn’t become what you wanted me to be, I don’t look the way you like
You run in circles to prove me wrong when this isn’t about wrong or right
I laid my wounded heart bare at your feet to show you what you did
You wouldn’t hear my words and instead you tried to make my light dim
But I won’t let you extinguish me, no matter who you are
I won’t let you quiet me because my path will go far
It’s up to you to join me on this journey that I pursue
It’s up to you to love me, this time it’s up to you

Woman

Stripped on the concrete floor
Cling to the remnant of our glory
Power in the gift, power in the breast
Their fear raging on from the beginning
Held at stake’s length from what is deserved
Punished for physicality that was not chosen

Hide

I can feel you beneath the lid of my skin
Filling purple lakes and creeping through the ducts
You crave a showcase but I keep you hidden
Run over my cheeks
Play in the corners of my mouth
Slide down my neck
Hide! Your playground is painful

Scars

I want my scars to surface
I want my journey on my skin
I want you to see what’s been mended
I want you to see where I’ve been
Not ashamed of my future
I will stand in the light
For you to see strength
To help you stand and fight

2-2-11

Never forget desperation
Remember how it drove
Life fading
Will cracking
Feeling more
Knowing less
Grappling to the top

Crux

Do you realize the agony of my crux, the long, cruel twisting in my chest?
Searing the sinew of my sorrow, tearing away at the tenacity of hope, a cavity deepening
Pain penetrating, bringing forth a thick, warm liquid erupting from my bosom

A vision grossly disfigured by your perception of who I am, not of your want
Your inability to conceive a burdened calling that was not meant for your loins
I am not sewn to The Seekers of Light; my bones lay with the souls of The Dead
Your words call out, shedding your tears to The Dark and rejecting them when they answer
Observation of a Dark Lover draws you to repel, recoil, and rebuke my love condition
Speaking in your euphemisms of the elite, a statement lost on me by lack of direction
Catechizing, hesitating the question of my salvation due to your lack of love indiscriminate
Inferring my heart has run from the sun, that my soul hangs on the edge of a cliff

Do you realize the agony of my crux, the long, cruel twisting in my chest?
Searing the sinew of my sorrow, tearing away at the tenacity of hope, a cavity deepening
Pain penetrating, bringing forth a thick, warm liquid erupting from my bosom

A transfer of love meant for The Dead, a love you dispel driven from fearful aversion
Concealing your love in the four walls of sanctuary, selective for those deemed true
No desire of carnal knowledge to equip the lame for the weight of the world
Withholding The Dark at a distance you hurl a paltry denouncement of their earthly state
Condemnation floating as the love craved builds sediment and depresses into the deep
While beseeching the world to black and white you squander the discernment of grey
Lusting for the red X answer, screaming for homogeny, bewilderingly miscomprehending
Fear binding your heart and hands to the opposition of your mission, blocking The Light from The Dark

Do you realize the agony of my crux, the long, cruel twisting in my chest?
Searing the sinew of my sorrow, tearing away at the tenacity of hope, a cavity deepening
Pain penetrating, bringing forth a thick, warm liquid erupting from my bosom

Your skepticism of my vital heart calls out to me to return to an Entity I never fled
An expectation of a life that reflects only your own holy walk will blaze with your ego
My greys blend but the authenticity of my heart never falters, instead it’s sent to your unknowns
While your compassion is calloused by abhorrence of The Dark, my love perverts the plank in your eye
Oh if you could love them, only if you could love them, oh if you could love them
I ponder you love’s conditions, if you would love them before their salvation brought anew
Confounded by your fear, you’ve misconstrued your call to love without condition, to love all
Love doesn’t forsake at the altar or conceal because of transgression, love is to be frankly given

Do you realize the agony of my crux, the long, cruel twisting in my chest?
Searing the sinew of my sorrow, tearing away at the tenacity of hope, a cavity deepening
Pain penetrating, bringing forth a thick, warm liquid erupting from my bosom

A wandering-lost The Dark will remain from your fear of love without condition, lost they will always be
Loosen your rope of fear bound around my neck, grant me grace and discern my heart
Altered faith in a Deity far more expansive than your perception is willing to explore
Your chords asserting His magnitude yet your actions displaying a meager chest of remnants
If I succumb to your blurred conception my heart will break from burden and The Dark will fade
I’m doubting your devout, your blinding adoration has blocked your sight from His mass
Omnipotence isolated by a four-walled ensconce built up from phobia
Omnipresence shielded by your standards of what is clean and viable

Do you realize the agony of my crux, the long, cruel twisting in my chest?
Searing the sinew of my sorrow, tearing away at the tenacity of hope, a cavity deepening
Pain penetrating, bringing forth a thick, warm liquid erupting from my bosom

Great Love is not for you to dictate, Great Love knows no bounds
Great Love clothes all contingencies, tailoring its shape, befitting each creation
I’ve become discontented with your words that rot like judgment, accusing my heart
Beneath a rampart feather fear will be driven out, instead it has begun to govern your life
Veiled love has cost them your benediction and abandons their hope, leaving none for you to love
Hindering me is your Holy Agnosticism, contending for my bones, your distrust screaming no
To poise yourself over me gaping in disbelief, to stand over me calling out your fear as strength
I beg you, be honest about your fear, abandon false clout, and cease masquerading open salvation

Do you realize the agony of my crux, the long, cruel twisting in my chest?
Searing the sinew of my sorrow, tearing away at the tenacity of hope, a cavity deepening
Pain penetrating, bringing forth a thick, warm liquid erupting from my bosom

Love’s portion is measured for all to employ or abandon, I choose love’s employment
I choose to love who was asked of me, I choose to forgive your discrepancies and disbelief
Nay will I abandon your heart’s condition, I will not deliver you with rusted dross
To carriage my decree to completion there is no room for resentment, so to you I will forgive
Ministering to The Dark does not sacrifice The Light, loving The Dark will not abolish The Light
Finished with you, I am finished with you and your fear, your fear of who I am, your fear of who I love
I will long for love to flood your fear, I will hope for an abysmal love to transform us until we have faces
Let our gift not die with stones met from holy fear to fray all that we were ever to be

To realize the agony of our crux, the long, cruel twisting in our chests
Searing the sinew of our sorrows, tearing away at the tenacity of our hope, a cavity deepening
Pain penetrating, bringing forth a thick, warm liquid erupting from our bosoms

Holy Rollovers & This Man's Message

You heard my agony as you watched my falling tears
You sat silent, turned blindly and watched me ravaged by fear

I poured out my soul with my light growing dim
Instead of compassion, you said it was sin

The darkness wanted to conquer, it wanted totality
You watched it settle, to prepare it's looming principality

Alone, alone, alone, I felt so alone
You couldn't muster courage, just a damn drone

Your words only quoted what was in This Man's heart
Him and His words, tearing a woman's value apart

Using protection as a foot and delicacy as a stone
A woman is a woman, but only when she stays home

Forgetting the chapter that said what women are worth
A Proverbial slip that robbed me of feminine mirth

This Man and His message forever tarnished me
This Man and His message cut my veins and made me bleed

He said we were all together but He didn't mean it so
As soon as I aired a question, His eyes said "Go"

I sat weekly and I watched Him on His mount
He climbed a hill to Mars and now He is keeping count

I floundered and I flustered, weak my arms grew
You wouldn't take my hand unless He directed you

Instead it was easier to be silent and turn away
My whole life was affected but it only ruined your day

Don't ask me to be honest if you can't understand my heart
Don't pretend to listen and then tear my words apart

I regret that you hurt me, I regret we ever knew
I regret This Man's Message, I am glad I withdrew

His Message did not match The One that I was told
His Message was for men and women had to be sold

He spoke against most everything that made me who I am
He negated The One Who Made me, who filled me with a plan

I almost lost my purpose, I began to lose my way
Now His Message means nothing, not even on a dark day

His Message no longer dominates, no longer darkens me
I see The One's plan and that's what set me free

Wearing Me Down

I can't save you, I can't hold your hand
Check yourself and stand
Don't exhaust my emotions, don't exhaust my mind
Check yourself and get out of line
Life won't come to you, problems don't dissolve
I can't be your every answer, your problems aren't mine to solve
You can't need me every hour of the day, you are wearing my thread thin
I can't be your every answer, your answers lie within

Lonely Man

I saw you walk by him
I saw you spit in his eye
I heard him cry out for help
And I watched you let him die
His eyes went cold and grey
His life passing on
All he wanted was a meal
And you did him such wrong

Steelehand

There is something about you that I fear
Will you suck me in?
Will you latch to drag me down?
I feel you're contagious
Like a widespread disease
Your eyes feel toxic
My skin turns green
With your claws in, gasping
No air, no air
Will you deflate my lungs?
Injure my life
Injure my will
I want to run from you
How can they linger?
Don't they feel your iron?
They have become immune

There is something about you that made me run
But I ran like hell
I've been steady running
Toward your twisted destination
Your suffocation made me want
When you stifled, I grew strong
Those claws, permanence desired
I tore them out and you made me run
But I ran like hell and won't look back
I sucked out your poison
Many years your hand was heavy
So many years you made me cry
But I ran like hell
And I ran like hell
Your steele is over
And all I see is gold

Your Beautiful Soul 3-10-11

A light and a life you were to our hearts, we wept when we were torn apart
Your beautiful soul has traveled on to a place of His art
Yet I still sit and hope to catch your powdery scent and weep not

En recuerdos I think of you
En recuerdos I cry
En recuerdos I imagine your soft hands
En recuerdos I want you alive

Your vessel was not large enough to contain your loving grace
It would not leave your side, so it glowed, resting on your face
An aura love, acceptance and faith, it calmed our hearts in life's rough race

En recuerdos I think of you
En recuerdos I cry
En recuerdos I imagine your soft hands
En recuerdos I want you alive

We mourn for our Matriarch, we mourn for our great loss

Crude Hope

I lost tears for you tonight, at the grotesquely quick approaching loss
I remember your face, I remember the life, I remember that light
Dangerously charming, alarmingly crude
You were such an ass sometimes, but then you would crack a joke
My lips could not hold back a boorish smile
There was so much I hoped for you, now hope is all I have left
I can't catch sight of you for it would be destruction
I sit in solitude and I remember
I will remember your face, I will remember the life, I will remember that light
I will hope to see you again, to see you better than before
To crack a crude joke and lose ourselves in laughter

Two in One

Behind Closed Doors - 1-25-11

I would like to know what's behind closed doors
I want to know, who is pulling the strings?
When to laugh
When to dance
When to witness strange things

---------------------------------------------

Untitled - 1-26-11

Another year, another jade stone
Put it in the pile with the others
Another dream dashed, another fear hatched

Addictive Waters 2-8-11

I sat by the bay to wipe your tears
I told you the tale of a monster that rages beneath the waters
I told you how hard I wrestled him down, how he fell into a deep sleep
I held your hand and warned you of the precipice
Begged you to let that monster doze

If stirred again, he will wake with a hunger far more insatiable
He'll cast you into the waves and feed on your strength
With a blow to your head all rationality will be lost
Gone will be the memory of those endeared to you

He will spend his time on your heart
Savor every last pearl of it's sweet, red syrup
Eat around what's already gone bad, leaving only what's decayed
Gone will be the warmth toward those endeared to you

When the last breath is on your lips, he will strike you a deal
While your body full of holes and tendons holding you up
An offer to restore you, an elixir just for this occasion
He'll give you your bone to sign your flesh and a cloak to mask your pain

Gone will be the memory of those endeared to you
Gone will be the warmth toward those endeared to you
Anew will be the grinding servitude to one who owns you

I sat by the bay to wipe your tears
I told you the tale of a monster that rages beneath the waters
I told you how hard I wrestled him down, how he fell into a deep sleep
I held your hand and warned you of the precipice
Begged you to let that monster doze

Still you shook that monster until he awoke
I watched him swallow you whole and fade into the abyss

A few to start it off . . .

Blue Picasso - a tribute to The Blue Period, 1-5-11

Be still in the sadness
Understand the pain
There is nothing to lose here
But all is to gain
Harness deepest anguish
To let shine on it, light
Show purest emotion
Not hidden in joy, but Blue, used to fight

--------------------------

Wanderlust - written sometime in August of 2010

Dire from within
Skin a putrid green
Disease seeping through
Lecherous eyes, yellow with yearn
The monster rages and spurns the concious mind
No regard for morality, no revere from humanity
Clawing at the eyes, tearing at the mind
Lo, the beast rages on

-------------------------

Lonely Body

On the edge of darkness looking down
Toes to the cliff's lip, downward fell
The lilt of the air rearranged the limbs
Rocks inflexible to absorb the corpse
Moon in full radience, casing the flesh
Skin pale grey, eyes gone cold
Chest sunken, legs on awkward display
Waters lap at the lifeless form
Cold, lonely body

My Mind's Eye

This blog marks the beginning of my very personal poetry being shared with eyes other than mine own. These feelings that are compiled as poems are very near and dear to my heart. My poetry tends to be dark. I write with raw nerves, I write whatever I am feeling in the moment my pen is to the paper. I make no apologies for what and how I write, these things must come out of me. As once quoted beautifully in song, "If I get it all out on paper, it's no longer inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to." My poetry is my emotional outlet, my poetry is honest. I know my poetry will speak to someone's heart, I know my poetry will provide an emotional companion for those who struggle. Read with sincerity and fall in.